I am a writer!

Joss Canva

I am a writer. When taxi drivers, here in Cuenca, ask me: “Estás jubilado?” (isn’t that a marvelous word for retired?), I respond: “soy un escritor.”

I am a writer. I have been writing since I left home at 14. Before that, I had no privacy and no awareness, really, of how vital it was for me to put my words – my thoughts and emotions – down on paper. The first poem I wrote speaks to me, still, of that young girl who was terrified of life and aching, always, for a better way.

Roaming endlessly
through infinite space
reaching out
trying to make contact
but just before,
drawing back
afraid.

Coming out
seeking
searching
and just before
finding,
drawing back,
afraid

Wanting, aching
longing
but just before loving,
drawing back
afraid
always
always
afraid.

That was written 48 years ago!  Somewhere, along the way, like this little chickadee resting on my hand, I found a safe landing place.  I learned that the world was not always a scary place and that I could trust that I was safe and protected, even.

chickadee-1

Writing, which for many years was my safe place, has become a world beyond my imagining. A world where I am known.  By publishing my words, first via blogging, and then actually being published, my world has expanded into a place of acceptance and being celebrated.  First, I had to learn to celebrate myself, though, to celebrate that, not only had I survived the terror I grew up with, but to celebrate life, my life, in its entirety.

And then, a funny thing happened.  This introverted soul began to be part of a community. A community of bloggers which, in itself, is magical.  I will always be thankful to WordPress, for creating their blog-a-day challenge in 2011 and, for the people, the friends – the writers who entered my life as a result.

Life leads us through valleys and mountain peaks and twists around to our place of belonging.  I belong, here in Cuenca.

rainbow jan 2017-1-1 Cuenca

I belong to a wonderful community of writers. A community of people who inspire me, who challenge me with their excellence in writing and who encourage me to share my stories.

And I have stories to share.

 

8 thoughts on “I am a writer!

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  1. Oh Joss, your poem is heartbreaking. To think that a young girl felt that fear really gets to me. Yes, you have found your safe place, Cuenca with your love and your writing. I’m so happy for you and proud to call you friend and chosen sister

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    1. you have such a tender heart my sister/friend. I guess I just see it for what it was, you know. It’s hard, in some ways, to even relate to that young 14 year old who ventured out into the big world on her own. I’m lucky that I didn’t fall in with a bad crowd.

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  2. Maybe you have recognised and experienced joy and the beauty in things more profoundly than someone who has never experienced the darkness that goes with fear. You must have had tremendous inner strength deep inside you, to have become who you are now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Sarah. I don’t know how to respond to that. I, always have been only, who I am, ya know. BUT I can say I worked hard to build a good person from a very shaky foundation.

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